Tuesday, January 13, 2009

What's the hub-bub, bub?


So now that Obama-rama is almost upon us, one of the first questions to be answered, raised by one of the first issues we've been promised will dealt with by the New-Man, the closing of Guantanamo prison: what is to be done with all those meanies?

Well, brought onto American soil would raise the messy issues of habeas corpus and other Latin legalese. Eh. That seems like a lot of trouble. Especially, as is often the case, there's no smoking guns for the good folks at CSI: Miami to get evidence from. Hell, there's not even any rape-kits. Remember, this isn't Abu-Grahb and we're not talking about prosecuting American soldiers--hey, watch it, buddy.

Of course, we could try returning them to their countries of origin, or even where they were captured, mostly in Afghanistan and Iraq. Why not? Undesirables have been routinely shipped off to these types of countries (you know: lots of sand, oil, and Muslims) for years. And they--the new jailers--don't even have to worry about ball-torture retribution from the public, as balls are fair game! Then again, if we're to believe these guys are such bad-asses, why would they want them? And, better still, why do we want to give them up?

I've got the answer: the sea. Either a decommissioned, or unused, aircraft-carrier should do the trick, right? Not our land, not theirs. Even better, for the prisoners and guards anyway, how about an ocean-liner? You know, a cruise ship! Nothing fancy, of course. But I'm sure there's plenty sitting in dry-dock these days, the way the vacation industry has been giving it away lately. Christ, even my parents are going on a cruise in a couple of weeks--so it can't cost more than an Econo-lodge per-night. I'd spring for that. Plus, how angry a terrorist can you be if you're being tooled around the Gulf of Mexico, drinking pina coladas? Virgin pina coladas, of course. Very virgin, most likely.

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